Portland Gets Nudged
Hey, we’re back with another travel piece! You love to read ‘em, we love to write ‘em! This week’s unsuspecting locale? Portland frickin’ Oregon. You’re probably already aware of this giant freak show of a city, you MAY even be familiar with the insanely poppin’ pinball scene, but there’s one thing you don’t know: WHAT THE HELL NUDGE WILL DO ONCE WE GET THERE.
Portland was one of the first places we ever photographed for Nudge, but it was WELL before I was this deep into the scene. For decades, Portland has boasted one of the premiere pinball scenes in the country – famously claiming that they have the most pinball machines per capita of anywhere in the US. Can we confirm this? IDK, man. I guess if you love math and pinball maps and census data you could probably confirm it – but only one of those three things trips my trigger so we are just gonna take their word for it.
But for real, if you take one thing from this article: Portland has an amazing, vibrant pinball scene that has grown the right way: organically. From their leagues to their arcades, the people pulling the strings here understand the importance of getting folks together in a room and just jammin’ some pin. That might sound simple, but you’d be amazed at how many places get it wrong. From Lloyd Center to Ground Kontrol to Wedgehead, Portland gets it WAY fuckin right.
Mortified
The reason I traveled to Portland in the first place was because I was asked to take part in an amazing live theater show called Mortified. You may be familiar with the podcast, but basically they get a buncha folks together to read from their diaries, journals, or other rando shit from their teen years in front of a packed theater audience. Hilarity ensues.
My part was to read from my book, The Mall is Full of Ugly People, which I wrote when I was 17 and working in the bargain bookstore at Oakwood Mall in Eau Claire, Wisconsin. I was doing mall writing back then and I’m doing mall writing now. The more things change the more they stay the same. Speaking of malls.
Star Tropics + Lloyd Center
A huge chunk of my Saturday was spent at the Lloyd Center. Whenever I told people this they said the same thing.
“Oh I LOVE dying malls.”
Well you know what? I hate that term. I mean I get it. This place is past its day of peak popularity, which evidently was some time in the 80s or 90s when Tonya Harding was practicing at the ICE RINK they have inside this spot. That’s right. They have an ice rink, and a third story food court, and tons of dope stuff — but before we get to how much cool shit you can pack into a million square feet of commercial space – this place ain’t dying, so let’s stop using the term.
Or maybe it is accurate to say that something died there. This is late stage capitalism afterall. There aren’t large chain stores, you won’t find too many name brands in the food court (though oddly Orange Julius persists) – but just like a rotting log, you pull back the bark and there’s a whole world teeming underneath.
The epicenter of this post-modern mall rot was Star Tropics, the brainchild of Jason Andersen, a pinball streamer and former software engineer who opened an amazing arcade/museum in an old Spencer’s at Lloyd Center. His space acts as the hub for a group of mall people – misfits, characters and misanthropes, who spend as much time shooting the shit as they do shooting pins.
That’s wildly different from a lot of spots I’m used to, where it’s about the pinball first and socializing second. Sometimes I’ll walk into a spot and barely talk to a bartender beyond ordering a diet coke – not here. Jason helps folks with their problems, shows them the history of pinball, plays alongside customers, but above all: he listens.
That’s what stuck out to me the most. When we walked the mall together (all three stories of it), Jason took me store by store to meet the owners and say hi. In one spot, he planned with a pet shop manager to build a mouse habitat inside an old pinball cab. In another, he introduced me to a group of light saber experts who have built an entire Star Wars spaceport inside a random shop space where you can buy weapons and of course practice your moves. You better believe I be waving that lightsaber like there’s no tomorrow.
If you’re looking for games, Star Tropics has a super fun mix of moderns and classics. There’s Turtles and Foo Fighters but also games like Road Kings (a guilty pleasure favorite) or even some solid state options. Honestly, some of the most fun I had was just chilling at the mall by myself, watching a group of 8 year olds play a chess tournament while I sucked back a strawberry smoothy.
This mall ain’t dead by a longshot.
The games of Wedgehead
If you’re reading this, you know Wedghead, the mythic pinball space in an already mythic pinball city. Run and co-owned by Alan Robertson and Chris Rhodes, the “Pinball Baron of St. Johns” if Google’s built in AI is to be believed, it is THE best pinball in the area. We wanna run through the games? Because I sure as shit did. OK let’s do it.
The Moderns: Games like Godzilla and John Wick are here – but they’re all a little weird. Tron only has powerballs in it, which is also how noted music genius and pinball weirdo, Scott Danesi has his set up. But there’s more – Godzilla is given lightning flippers, the notoriously fickle 3/16 in shorter versions famously found in 90s Williams games like Dracula. I’m sure Wick had something weird on it too, but let’s be real – I flew like a billion miles to get there. I wasn’t going to waste my time figuring out their John Wick
The Mids: This is what you come here for. The WEDGHEADS MY GUYYYYY. OK, but before we get to that, they also have some classic 90s bangers like Monster Bash and Bram Stoker’s Dragula Race for Dummies. Of course also a Sopranos – since there’s evidently a higher concentration there than anywhere else in the world. Hey New Jersey, seems like you really fucked that one up.
And honestly for the rest – go to pinball maps. What? I gotta hold your hand. Let me get to the one that had my motor running ALL WEEKEND LONG.
For real, Alan and company love pinball and it shows. I’m not going to say something gross like this spot is a ‘love letter to pinball’ but it’s true — when you walk into Wedghead it feels different. There’s a sense of history, but it’s not stuck in the past. This is a live spot that’s catering to pinball players of TODAY. That feels important now more than ever as location play continues to evolve in a world of the internet, video games, and tik tok attention spans. Now let’s talk about my fave game there.
Deadly Weapon rules
Is there something potentially problematic about a game that keeps track of your arrests alongside your points? Sure, but there’s also something glaringly ridiculous about playing a game like this inside the literal freak show that is Portland, OR. This game rules. Produced by Gottlieb in 1990, it’s basically a rip off of the Lethal Weapon movies.
That said, this game fucks. The rules are reasonably simple. There are hurry up shots that correspond to police cars (arrests) but most of the points are found in a bonus that is jacked up by the pop bumpers. I didn’t care about my score. I was tryna put some punks behind bars. Yes, I do know how it makes me look. If it helps, in my eyes they were all guilty.
This game is a great example of how it doesn’t take a lot to make a great game. There are exactly ZERO ramps. The coolest shot might be a bizarre return that comes rocketing back to the right flipper. It was the game I played more than any other all weekend long. Thanks, Alan and Co for showing me!
Sundays with Alex
Sunday was my free day after the show and my flight didn’t leave until six. Alex, from the Wedgehead podcast, offered to squire me about the city to play some more games and talk pinball. Dude was a great host. He took me to C-Bar, one of a million great pinball spots with at least a dozen games including a minty Lady Luck, a Bally from 1986 that rewards you for some pretty crazy wide shots.
We spent a couple hours there, eating giant burgers and playing a mixture of 80s, 90s, and the hits of today! (radio voice). Then we headed back to Wedghead where I, basically a zombie after a weekend of entertaining and chainsmoking Oregon joints, played really bad, hung with Alex and Alan and drank their amazing fuckin’ drinks. Seriously, they had a horchata slush. Nothing pairs better with a lightning flipper godzilla than a horchata slush.
I eventually took a lyft back to the airplane and slept like a fuckin’ baby. Thanks Portland. See ya soon!
