Star Wars Pinball is Good, but Has Anybody Noticed?

Remember when we said Data East Star Wars was the best Star Wars game? Well, it’s official. We can retire that column. No, I won’t pull it off the site or change it in any meaningful way (I might not by a Colin-level SEO genius, but I know not to take Star Wars Pinball off the search list), BUT I WILL SAY IT HERE LOUD AND PROUD. 

Star Wars Fall of the Empire is the BEST STAR WARS GAME EVER. 

Phew. I feel lighter right now. This is what young Luke must have felt like when that sweet, sweet french horn started playing in his ear as he focused his ass up and got hip to the force for the first time. Let’s forget the fact that I’m like double his age. Nobody needs to think about that. 

Let’s get back to the point, from ruleset to layout, I find this Borg to be infinitely playable. In a week when everyone else will be talking about Transformers, or last week was talking about Pokemon, we’re gonna talk about a game that’s not new, not old, and really really good. Does anybody care? Let’s get into it. 

Boy, Does This Game Have Code! (Cool)

I’m not a competitive scoring genius. I’m not a dude who loves figuring out when to do multipliers and when bonus is gonna pop off and etc etc. etc. I truly do not care much about it. I mean, I want to get a good score, but I just don’t have the discipline to break a ruleset down to its most reptile-brained, optimized scoring basics. 

I’m not a computer. I’m a person. A dumbass, human guy. I want a game that tells me a story. That gives me a sense of weight as I move along. Sometimes that’s with scoring, sometimes it’s with modes as levels that lead to mini wizard modes (and eventual wizard modes) and sometimes its with, well, actual story playing out on screen. 

This is a game that encourages you to keep playing. That’s important for a fan layout, which are notoriously long players. (You probably know this, but a fan layout is when every shot can be hit by the bottom two flippers. Think of a fan of shots along the playfield focused where the flippers sit, but you already know all this. You’re so smart.) 

A fan layout game is absolutely a single player-focused game. That means long-player, yes, but it also means that as you play, the stakes should rise. For Star Wars, that mainly manifests in advancing sorta four main things plus mulitballs. 

List of Stuff in Star Wars You’re Supposed to Do (Fun)

Character Modes: Classic bread and butter modes. Each character is represented by a shot, 8 in total. Each character has something like three normal missions, and one super mission. There’s probably another name for them, but they’re basically special missions that are triggered if you beat a normal one. You advance these to get to the Not a Jedi Yet mini-wiz. Oh and beating two missions gives you an extra ball 

Jabba Events: These are located in the toilet-bowl/Chewbacca shot. See, when I write sentences like that last one? That’s how I know I’m a real journalist. There are three of these Jabba missions and they’re all varying levels of fun. I always use my multiball on the weird never ending one. The other two are pretty straight forward. There’s also a Pit of Sarlacc themed mini wiz after you finish all of them. It’s my least favorite of the mini-wizard modes, but that’s really parsing hairs here. My god, a ‘least favorite’ wizard mode? I need help.

Vader Modes: Ok, technically there’s a ninth shot. The scoop way off to the left. I was scared to talk about it. If Vader modes are qualified, then it turns the entire universe all herky-jerky. Now all the character mission shots will do an EVIL Vader mode instead. You can tell they are evil because all the lights turn red. Just like in real life. IDK if there’s a mini wiz here. I don’t think so. Beating a Vader mode also lets you shoot a progressive purple shot that has something to do with the dark side. You can get extra balls and stuff. Profitable and alluring, the dark side is.

Millennium Falcon Shit: These aren’t modes, but they aren’t yet a woman or however Brittany said it. There’s a hurry up shot, a multiball, some other stuff, but it’s not super intuitive on how you start them. Basically the first multiball is by spamming the middle ramp. Everything else is some combination of right ramp/center ramp stuff. 

Multiballs: I kinda just use these to get through stuff, but there’s the Hoth Battle multiball, primed by the Droid shot and locked with the Luke. There’s the death star multiball. Then there’s the aforementioned Millenium falcon multiball, and I think that’s it on the Pro. I guess there’s a mynoch multiball on the premiums, but I live in reality with the Pros like everyone else so I can’t verify. 

All this stuff builds together into something bigger than the sum of its parts (good)

Any individual mode isn’t going to blow your mind. They’re designed to be quick. 3-5 shots usually, and packed full of clips themed around a specific moment from the movies. Sometimes that means getting kind of meta with the narrative. In one, you become a jedi as luke, In another you train Luke to be a Jedi as Yoda. It’s the same scene, but different – from a certain point of view. Heyo! They didn’t call me Obi Wan Jacoby for nothin’. 

These modes aren’t complex, but you play them one after another, in different combinations and it sort of changes the way the game plays out. In some, you want to get to the Vader vs Luke mini wiz fast. To do that, you just have to qualify three different character modes, so you’ll do that as fast as possible. 

In others, you’ll want to play through a specific character's modes, which also means a longer super mode. So you’ll go back to the same guy again and again. This also will result on mondo points, if you’re successful in beating successive modes of the same character. 

Both ways reward you, so the way you play is in the balance of those two ideas. This push and pull is what makes you want to come back and play long solo games. When you reach a mini wizard mode that you’ve wanted to hit for a while, it feels good, like an actual accomplishment. That works in concert with the lights and music, which honestly do utilize Stern’s Spike 3 sound and light tech to the best of its abilities thus far. I mean, shit, you’re watching the entirety of the Star Wars movies play out while playing pinball. Who do I have to sell on this?

I still have to sell everybody on this? (Bad, but turns out good)

And yet, I never hear anybody talking about how good this game is. Maybe because it’s still not a very good choice for tournaments, and frankly never will be – but I think this is a great solo game and deserves praise. And AS a single player game, this is a true adventure story playing out with you as the protagonist. As you play, you’re actively shaping how the Star Wars story plays out. In pinball. Like, basically the whole thing. That’s fucking nuts. 

I’m not saying we need to do anything drastic. It’s not like this is some big injustice that we need to correct. Don’t throw a bar stool through the glass of a King Kong. NOBODY WANTS THAT. In fact, I see this as an opportunity. Look, here is the new, positive-ass Ian Jacoby to bring you the good news. 

We got another great, banger title that no one saw coming. Now while the line is backed up on Pokemon, maybe you’ll go over and give that lonely Star Wars: FOTE some love. I mean, fuckin’ A, there’s Han Solo in it. Does Pokemon have Han Solo? Not as of this code update.