Small Wallet? Big Guns. Why your next pinball purchase should be an old-ass game.
The next game you buy should be old as hell and under 3k.
This week, there’s a new game by Stern Pinball. A James Bond Super Limted Edition (500) single level by Keith Elwin. Elwin is a goat and 500 isn’t very many. That means it’s currently listed at 20k MSRP. Twenty Thousand Dollars. And while I don’t have the visceral reaction to that news that other folks COUGH KANEDA COUGH seem to be dealing with, I do understand why that could be shocking to some folks. I mean 20k is like legit car money. For pinball? That’s wild.
But you know what? Who cares? Rich people are gonna rich people. This is actually one of the least obtrusive ways they affect our lives in the grand scheme of things. And the good news? Some locations are getting them! Tilt in Minneapolis recently announced that they’d purchased one and would be putting it on the floor. I understand that the pricetag is going to push most operator’s out of that market, but also – what the fuck is this? The stock market report? Let’s talk pinball.
Specifically, why I’m going to challenge you to make sure the next game that occupies space in your living room, basement, or garage is from 1990 or EARLIER. Why? They’re cheap. They’re fun. And they represent a time in pinball when anything was possible – for better and for worse.
Buying an old game is BDE.
Look, any casual can grab a Mando for their rec room. That said, do you want to zig when everyone else zigs? No, when they zig, you wanna zag. That’s where the money is. In the zaggin’. What’s less flavor of the month than a game that could not only legally drink, they’re old enough that hopefully they invested wisely, because their retirment age is soon approaching. But seriously, games that have made it this long? It’s not by accident. Someone took care of them. They put them in an out of the way basement. They replaced everything with LEDs. You dig? When you buy an old game, you’re a part of that history. Fuckin, nice work! Steward! Hell yeah!
So why Big guns? We’re glad you asked.
Big Guns represents everything good (and bad) about this era of pinball
According to our buds at Pinside, Big Guns is a “medieval space themed pinball machine from October 1987, manufactured by Williams Electronic Games, Inc.” It’s got one of the infamous Ritchie Bros on design (This time the other Ritchie, Mark.) and the absolute LEGEND Python Angleo on the art package. One of the weirder original IPs from this time, it basically puts you in the role of a space knight. What do you have at your disposal to rescue the queen? A couple BIG ASS GUNS.
Even by 1987 standards, this game is pretty light. It’s essentially a single level game, with the elevated wireform returns coming from two LITERAL CANNONS that are placed in the middle of the playfield, the titular BIG GUNS. The gameplay? Lock balls on either side, then shoot the scoop at the top of the playfield to initiate a multiball. From there, you’re trying to rescue the queen. Like most Ritchie games, this thing plays fast as hell. Playing a Ritchie game usually borders on a traumatic event, and that holds true here. But it’s the artwork that really shines.
Big Guns is some of Python Angelo’s best work
Python Angelo is a pinball and gaming legend. Maybe best known for the joust art, Angelo was a former Disney animator who left a lucrative career to work on a ton of pinball machine and vide game art in the 1980s. His hallmark? That sort of bird’s eye, world under glass look popular at that time. And you know what? It totally works. There are a million stories playing out on the Big Guns playfield.
Python Angelo’s art is like an episode of lost. For every question it answers, it leads to three more. Like, why the fuck does this guy have a drink with an orange peel in it? It doesn’t look like he’s enjoying it. This is art that demands you to smoke a joint and get lost in it, make up your own stories. That’s a welcome change from some of the playfield art today, which doesn’t feel as concerned with design or aesthetic as it does in communicating complex rule systems to players.
A simple game might be MORE replayable than a modern game
Look, I’m going to blow your mind here: just because a game has a more complex code, that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a better code. Like, who watches a sporting event and gets excited when a new rule is enforced? Nobody. Of course that’s an oversimplification of what’s going on in pinball these days – we like most modern rule sets. But we’re also an overly simple kinda magazine, so deal with it, JoyBoy.
Haven’t you ever played a long-ass game of AIQ, have a ball drain and just feel like you don’t wanna chop all that wood to get back to wherever you just ended up at. That’s sort of the blessing and the curse of modern games. Long playtimes, storytelling, sure – but overall (with exceptions) a lot of that means you’re actually narrowing your options as a player. It encourages you to play the same way everytime.
An old game doesn’t do that. Why? It’s pretty easy to reach the “end” level, which is basically just a multiball with a ball save going for 11-seconds of pure insanity.
The point of Big Guns? Use Big Guns to do stuff. That simple. And it rules.
The theme of Big Guns wouldn’t be made by a major pinball manufacturer today. Themes sell games. I get that. But you know what? That wasn’t always the case, and Big Guns is a top notch example of how one man’s utterly insane vision could play out on a pinball playfield. This game has knight’s, space ships, trolls, camera men, and any number of giant phallic symbols. Hell yeah – I for one, am ready for these to comeback in 2023.
Until then? Save some money. Buy an old ass game. In a world obsessed with new game values, you’ll def get more than your money’s worth.
