Pinball Olympics 2023: Now With More Laundry

You’re probably all already aware of this, but Pinball Olympics is the biggest, best renegade event at Expo. Every year, Jay Brand and his big frickin’ band of misfits create an entirely unique pinball experience. Basically, they build elaborate machines whose sole purpose is to fuck with the way you play pinball — hard. Originally, that meant funny glasses, or creating a kaleidoscope of some kind with like mirrors and cardboard. These days it means an entire room full of lights, sound, and fog that runs P-Roc alongside Total Nuclear Annihilation to create the equivalent of what it must feel like in an FBI raid. Absolute, unhinged and brilliant pinball insanity. Let’s get into it.

Your old faves are still there

What’s great about Pinball Olympics is that you sort of get a sense of its history if you play through most of the events (which is encouraged for maximum medellage, brooooo). Yes, there’s the newer, super impressive stuff, but there’s still Shake Weight Hardbody or some of the aforementioned goggle games. What’s really impressive about Pinball Olympics these days is the sheer size of Jay’s compound. Looking for mania? Stay in the main arcade area. Looking for a chill spot to crush some beers and get your goggle on? Head on upstairs! Wanna eat tacos and watch someone power a pinball machine by riding a bike? Yeah, you bastard, you can do that OUTSIDE.

The food and service? Top Notch

It feels weird to say that the “service” is “good” at PO, but damn if it isn’t true. One of the highlights of the entire event (and one that isn’t highlighted enough) is the fact that food and drink is included in your ticket price. That doesn’t mean stale chips and guac, what it DOES mean is a fully catered meal by one of the best Taco Trucks in the area. Seriously, these dudes kill it, without fail. Also, there are shirtless dudes walking around with drinks and working for tips. Shirtless, but not without bow-tie, you know, to keep it classy.

I’m including ONE color photo I took because this guy deserves it. MVP of onions and peppers.

Here is the aforementioned hot guy. Bowtie holding up!

The TNA Total Immersion Experience

I’ve learned exactly one thing in the time I’ve gotten to know Scott Danesi: If he tells you to come do something, it’ll be one of the most fun experiences of your life, and you’ll also have a 50/50 shot at barfing. He introduced me to PO by telling me to show up with lots of film. That’s it. This year, he and Jay have outdone themselves on the barf-tastic tech hooked up to Total Nuclear Annihilation. I’d heard vague rumors about an “immersion experience” last year, but nothing prepared me for the real deal. There’s honestly nothing I can say that will prepare you for this, so in a Nudge first, I’m dropping some celly footage in here.

The gophers were just real unruly SOBs

We’ve now reached the point of Pinball Olympic event where the line between reality and pinball grows thinner and thinner. Take the No Good Gophers event, which consisted of a No Good Gophers machine outside on the lawn, flanked by two dudes dressed in gopher costumes that roasted the absolute hell out of you as you played. They brought their A-Game. As evidenced by this woman’s experience. I was a little disappointed when I spoke to the gopher on the right to get a picture and was not roasted at all. Evidently my existentialist vibes short out any sort of roast energy. It’d be like roasting a dead bug or a piece of poop. Nature done all the roasting you need. Anyway, here’s a pic.

Dirty Hairy inside a washing machine

The aisles at PO aren’t nearly wide enough for this, and yet somehow it worked. I still don’t really understand how this works, but I’ll show you the POV from inside the washing machine in a second so that it makes sense. No, I can’t use the power of my words to create that beautiful image, for that shit you need to head over to Knapp Arcade. We’re lucky to string three sentences together.

Wild. And yes, did this lead to tons of Step-Brother fantasies being lived out. One after another in a series of hilarious porno poses. I’m coming off like I’m above it, but did I take a pic and laugh just like everyone else? You bet your sweet bippy, I did. See you next year, you magnificent bastards.